you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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