NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
