I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
