what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize