Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
