The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
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