Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
