life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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