You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
