apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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