i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
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I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
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When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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