I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
