I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Randomize
