I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
