i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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