Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
