then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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