in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
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You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
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We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I'm really busy with my period
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