i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Randomize
