We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
