some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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