So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
