some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
