Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
