just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
In America we eat man semen.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
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I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
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I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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