i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
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