FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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