doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
