Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
