i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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