Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Randomize
