I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
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I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
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I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
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