I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
we're making bets on your personal life
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
