At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
