is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Randomize
