i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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