: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
