i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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