Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
