So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Randomize
