Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Randomize
