she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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