her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
did i walk over a car last night?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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