dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
