The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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