considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
