Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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