watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
