Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
