There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
