He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
