Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
