Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
