oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Four minutes until I can fart!
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
