everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
