She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
