I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
