Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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