I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
