1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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