I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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