I wish I could punch you in the face.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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