not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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