she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
