I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
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