I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
