I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
