I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
